I am Kevin Archibald’s brother-in-law, one of his wife Anne’s younger brothers. I’ve known and loved Kevin as a brother for nearly 25 years. I appreciate the opportunity to briefly describe how much Kevin meant to me and to my kids, and how greatly he is missed.

I first knew of Kevin when my sister Anne told us about her new boyfriend at a family Christmas gathering back in Minnesota. She had a picture of herself and Kevin leaning against her car: Kevin in board shorts, long hair, and that serious expression that he wears so well. At that time, not having met him yet, I was in awe of Kevin. I was a Minnesota boy, and here was this cool surfer from Long Beach: tall, rugged guy, drove a Karmann Ghia that he rebuilt himself, with his arm around my sister, looking back at me from the picture.

When I met him in person, Kevin was still the same tall, good-looking guy, but I found out quickly that he was the most calm, low-key, unassuming person you could ever hope to meet. We were all in our twenties, but even then, Kevin had the same caring nature and genuine interest in me and my life that he carried through to his last. The guy just didn’t have a mean or angry bone in his body. It didn’t take long for all of our family to realize what a fantastic person Kevin was.

Over the years, the better I got to know Kevin, the better I understood how amazing he was, on every level. But you wouldn’t find this out from him talking or showing off. One of Kevin’s over-riding characteristics was his humble nature. I have so many examples across so many years of Kevin quietly and politely demonstrating his strengths, skills, intelligence, and big heart. Whether showing how a SoCal kid could hold his own in a canoe on an Oregon river or winter-time trekking in the mountains of Montana, it seemed that there was nothing that Kevin couldn’t do as an outdoor athlete. As we both grew older, I leaned on Kevin more and more as a sounding board for all kinds of matters, from career to raising kids to the meaning of life. He always had such amazing perspective, depth of understanding, and calming, insightful advice. I am pretty sure that I got a lot more out of these interactions than Kevin ever did, but you would never have heard that from him. In so many ways, and probably without ever knowing it, Kevin was my example of how I could be a better citizen, better father, better human being. I have not had a person with that kind of impact in my life since Kevin was taken away.

Although Kevin and Anne do not have any children, Kevin demonstrated an amazing skill with and understanding of kids. Perhaps more importantly, he really loved his nieces and nephews, and went out of his way to contribute positively to their lives. I think this was partly because in many ways Kevin was a kid at heart. Our kids loved visiting Uncle Kevin and Aunt Anne, since Kevin would always have prepared extensively for their visit with all kinds of thoughtful gifts, toys, and experiences. Whether it was researching and buying girl-empowering graphic novels for our daughter, finding video games where players work cooperatively so that our youngest would have fun too, or taking the day off to guide us around San Francisco, showing love and caring for his nieces and nephews came naturally to Kevin.

I have remained in awe of Kevin over the years, but the reasons for this have shifted from the larger-than-life person I imagined him to be to the understatedly tremendous person he was. He was still the rugged surfer from Southern California, but more importantly, he was my sister’s caring and devoted husband, a doting uncle to my children, and a wise and patient brother. For a long time, I thought that my family and I were among just a small number of people who had benefitted so greatly from our relationship with this incredible man. After all, a person as giving and selfless as Kevin could only spread himself so far, I thought. So at first I was surprised to see dozens of people from every facet of Kevin’s life come up and tell similar stories to mine at his memorial service. It was another testament to his selfless, caring nature that Kevin had touched so many lives in so many positive ways. It was just who he was. His is a loss that I feel every day, for myself and for my kids. People like Kevin are all too rare in this world. We shouldn’t have to lose them so senselessly.